Bright days and Radical notions.

Since yesterday, I’m feeling much better. One of my Governor’s School friends from Columbia, Tennessee came down here to hang out and talk to me. Something that I really needed. I felt so thankful that he was there. After he left, I insured myself that I will not be depressed for a while. So I went to Celeste’s and traveled into the boonies to get to my newest friends, Erica and Chante’s house. It was quite a splendor. My buddy EB finally confessed that I really don’t have an STD and she was just fuckin' with me. Eh, that fucker. I was so petrified for about 3 days. Well, I’ve now learned my lesson. Thanks EB. And thank you guys for being there for me no matter how needy I sounded. Now I’m back to my own self again and I’m ready for the day. It's almost 6am. Bring it!

Update..

It's been a couple of days and I'm doing a little better. I have forced myself to go towards the people I care and love. I'm trying. Yeah, I'm being like a needy bitch that’s afraid to pee in the bushes. I know this. Hopefully everything will go back to the norm where I feel as confident and as fierce like I was years ago. Or better yet, a year ago.

Anxiety. I am so sorry.

I know what the solution to my pre-mature madness is, but I can’t seem to find a free drug that’s unoccupied for the moment being. I can’t try to save myself by being alone in closed doors anymore. It’s a stretch to say that since it is part of who I am. I’m meant to be alone but only in a half amount of time. The other portions of time should be with public no matter how painful it can be for me in a mental stand point. Certain things can get into your skin. And in my skin, there is a lot of me and a little of unconditional love. I wish I was more comfortable toward the people I care for and adore. I have too much of personal knowledge pushing me back. I can't extremely express how I truely truely feel. I always fail and I'm so sick of how I think. I can't stop thinking, so being stupid is out of the question. I cannot relax because no one can relax me. Believe me, I've tried for myself. It is all an epic fail. I wish someone.. Anyone! can help me right now. I'm struggling a little.

[fuck you]. That's what I say to my sexy self all the time.

I’ve been trying new things this past week. Nothing says preparation better than to not be in your comfort zone for a while.

Have you ever had the feeling that you may know more about certain things than others? You know the main things in a human being’s life like love, relationships, lust, personal growth, and such behaviors? I think it grows in every one of us. You see others in emotional pain and you think that you know what to do if you were in their shoes. For me, I think that if I can become one of those creative sensual people that usually find others to fuck, I can be pretty content and also full of shit. I can be an asshole and I wouldn’t mind. Honestly, being that way doesn’t come from nurture. It really comes from nature. Being one of the semi-believers, if I could find that one person... that person that I can truly and unconditionally care and strive for, I will do whatever it takes... just like every fantasy character in love stories from the books and big screen television sets. We are brain-washed into thinking like this. People think that they want to really really fall in love. I mean, shit.

We are meant to be hedonistic. If it feels good, it feels good… sexually or mentally. That does not mean you should fucking settle down at twenty-something. There is a down side of being a hedonist. If you’re going to be a “player”, you got to know how to play. If you want to just fuck, you got to be careful and look after your shit. All and all, when you are a hedonist, you must know how to break away for a while from pleasure. Now that’s my abstract writing for the night. I wish you all a great fucked up but fun life. Enjoy every drop of rain and sweat mixed in one.

A line is but a residue of you.

The photo above was taken by Scarlett P.

Today, I’ve been looking through my drawings and I figured I best draw EVERY single day. I believe that it’s one of those skills in society that we could lose in a matter of years. Kind of like Latin. People don’t speak it anymore. It’s a lost language. Since technology is so vast, maybe traditional drawing will be gone.